Raw Emotions
by ghrocks07
Summary: Sam and Andy have a moment of vulnerability towards the end of 'Hot & Bothered'.. My take on what they were feeling at the time
1. Andy's Instability

**Rookie Blue**

|| Andy McNally and Sam Swarek ||

_**This one takes place after "Hot & Bothered"… & oh my gosh how that ending frustrated me. Here's my take on that scene, with more depth into the characters' feelings.**_

_**Chapter 1: Andy's POV**_

Andy sat on her couch, distraught from what happened earlier that day. The fact that she had to take that shot, that her job included the possibility of having to kill a person, and the concept that filing some paperwork and completing a few interviews could make it disappear forever... disgusted Andy.

Granted, the guy was a scumbag, he got better than what he deserved after what he'd done to those poor children, but Andy wasn't the kind of person to just forget all about what she'd done simply because it was the right thing to do. Her conscience haunted her. And now she couldn't stop replaying that whole scene in her mind, along with everything that led up to it.

Then she thought about Luke, how insensitive and callous he could be at times. Her gut wrenched as she thought about their previous conversation repeatedly. How sometimes her feelings seemed to be miniscule in comparison to the case he was working at that time...

These bad memories were then interrupted by her thoughts towards Sam, while, at the same time, unintentionally comparing him and Luke. Luke made her unhappy, every time she needed someone to talk to, someone to turn to, he had unfinished business to deal with, and that he'd have to catch up with her later.

But with Sam, it was different. He was there for her, when she needed it or even when all she wanted to do was be left alone. Regardless, she's now realizing how much he cares for her and how all he's trying to do is help… yet she just keeps pushing him away.

Trusting someone had never come easily for Andy. A major part of this had come from her father's drinking problem. Every time that she wanted to give in, that she wanted to rely on him, that she wanted to believe that this time, _this time_, he would do everything in his power to control his urges, in an effort to be there for her as she progressed in her career, it ended with her drowning in hurt, humility, and depression. And she couldn't handle dealing with that again.

The tears kept flowing, falling from her cheeks and landing softly onto her jeans. Her head was bent down, her eyes in line with the floor, her vision blurred, her head pounding.

Her elbows dug painfully into her thighs as her hands ran angrily through her hair. She was frustrated, confused, and vulnerable.

She got up, in search for something, anything that could rationalize what she was feeling.

And from here, it didn't take long for her to decide who to turn to. The one person who she felt she could trust, who understood what she was going through, and could ease her pain.

**Sam.**

She was on edge, nervously anticipating what to do, what to say, how to act. But somehow, as she made her way out of her place, she knew that she didn't really _have_ to know what to do, what to say, or how to act… She was going to meet with Sam, with whom she felt comfortable showing her raw emotions, and her true faults... and for the first time, Andy realized that there was no other person in the world right now who she trusted or longed for as much as him.

She stepped up to his door. While standing on his porch, millions of thoughts were running through her head. She knocked, swallowing all of her fear, and waited anxiously for a response. Here he opened it, his presence already calming her insecurities, and searched for the right words to say.

She hadn't needed to, for after a few seconds, he'd said everything she needed and wanted to hear, to confirm her feelings about him.

"_You want to talk?"_

The way Sam said this made her feel like she could go to him about anything, that he'd always be there for her, and that he'd always want to be there.

A surge of passion and appreciation swelled into Andy's heart, catalyzing her already emotional state.

She shook her head no to Sam's offer, which took him back, and giving him no time to register anything, she stepped closer to him, pushing him against the wall, kissing him passionately, and letting go of all of her worries or concerns. She wanted nothing but him now, longing for his comfort and energy.

Which Sam, with no hesitation, gave to her. He was surprised by her actions, but so content at the same time. He'd been holding back his feelings all this time as well. But now, the rules, the protocols, the obstacles… had seemed to vanish. It was just him and Andy, and he took advantage of every last second he had with her.


	2. Sam's Emotions

**Sam's POV **

**...**

Sam was just arriving back home after the end of his shift.

It had been a rough day all around for him, and as he walked inside his place, he didn't even bother to light candles or _anything _to illuminate the house for that matter. He just walked in, set down his keys, and leaned against the counter of his kitchen for a few seconds.

He closed his eyes, and tried to make sense of everything that had taken place only a few hours earlier.

Oh god, he remembered that he had exposed his feelings for Andy, and not nearly in the way he thought it would have been revealed.

He ran into an old flame, Monica, and, beautiful as she was, ended things with her for some unknown, uncategorized feelings he had towards his rookie.

Andy McNally.

_God, what did I do…? _

_Are my feelings for her __**that**__ obvious?_

_What am I even talking about? What feelings? I don't even know what it is that I'm feeling…_

_This is stupid, Sam, just stupid. She's in a relationship; she doesn't have a thing for you, so just get over this ridiculous phase of juvenility you're going thr-_

Sam's thoughts ran wild. Quite frankly, it gave him a headache.

_This is just pathetic, you're pathetic.._

Sam was tired of listening to both sides of his conscience argue and decided to try to just lay down and take his mind off anything and everything he could.

He strolled into his bedroom after grabbing a lighter out of the kitchen drawer and felt around for the few candles he had placed on his dresser, specifically in case of blackouts. He lit about five and then sat down on his bed, crouched forward, head between his knees, lighter in hand.

He tried to concentrate on anything but today's events, including the flame he repeatedly lit and then diffused. He bit his lower lip, frustrated, as thoughts of Andy kept filling his mind.

They took him back to the rec center, as he walked in, gun drawn, his heart beating faster than he ever could have anticipated while on the job, and mainly fueled by his fear for Andy's safety.

He pressed his eyelids together tighter and it was almost as if the tape of his memory fast forwarded to the part where he saw Andy standing, paralyzed with shock and confusion, after she had shot the subject.

He remembered the unsettling feeling that set in his stomach as he saw her face, ridden with fear, terror, denial… and how he wished he could have just walked up to her, pulled her into his chest, and held her tightly, being able to let her know that everything would be okay, _that he was there for her… that he wanted to be there for her…_

Sam moaned angrily and threw the lighter on the ground in front of him. He brought his hands to his head, and laid his face in his palms, rubbing his eyes with his fingertips.

He shouldn't have feelings for Andy, he shouldn't be constantly thinking about her- This wasn't like him.

It was at this time that he heard a knock at his front door. At first he tried to realize whether it was real, but regardless, within seconds, opened the door, telling himself he wasn't really in the mood to talk to anyone.

He twisted the knob and pulled open the door.

_Andy._

He almost had to catch his breath while trying to maintain his composure. All he could think about was what she needed and how he could help, therefore immediately offering for her to come in and talk about what happened.

After saying that, he remembered his previous remark about not being in the mood, and was irritated once again by the thoughts running through his mind, so he pushed them away. Now his attention was focused solely on her.

He watched her, concerned, as he tried to read the expressions on her face. It was extremely difficult.

She looked like an emotional wreck, but Sam didn't notice. He registered her just as beautiful as he always did.

What happened next felt almost surreal to him…

She walked in, determined, and kissed him with so much passion, so much desire, it was almost as if his wildest dreams were finally becoming reality. After a few seconds of pure shock, he realized:

_What am I waiting for?_

_Everything I'd ever dreamed of this past month is right here…_

_I'm not going to let this opportunity pass me by._

He reciprocated her actions with the utmost gratification. His kissed her intensely and pulled her in closer, feeling the warmth of her body against his. Every second of their romance was priceless.

All Sam was thinking about now was how he wished that this would never end, how he wished that she would never go back to Luke… that, in the end, she would choose him.

Screw protocol, and rules be damned.

The emotions he felt now meant more to him than anything else in this world.


End file.
